Shallow Reasons I Swipe Left

I hate online dating. Haaaate it. I’ve tried them all, and consistently struggle to find even one person I’m remotely interested in going on a date with. And yet, every now and then, I decide to be a masochist and try them again. So I swipe left, get frustrated, rinse, repeat.

These apps are littered with weirdos. Yes, I am picky. But after everything I’ve been through, I’ve earned the right to be. I may sound like a you-know-what, but I have zero interest in wasting my precious time with someone who has already turned me off. And let’s be honest- we’re all a little shallow at times.

I know what I like and what I don’t, so when I see a red flag, I swipe left without hesitation. 

(If online dating gives you anxiety, check out this post!)

If you don’t know how these apps work, a left swipe means “no.” Of course there are certain deal-breakers that get an automatic left swipe from me, but these are usually serious things that do not at all align with what I’m looking for (for example, is an atheist, openly admits he’s only on there for hookups, hates kids, etc.).

What I wanna talk about in this post, though, are the random things that pop up which make me cringe. Now please understand- these are profiles I would have swiped left on regardless- these are just a few things that pushed them over the edge.

Anyway, feel free to laugh at my misfortune. Here are just a few of the shallow reasons I will swipe left on someone’s profile:

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His tongue is hanging out in his pic

Nothing screams “I’m a douche!” quite like the tongue-out profile pic. It isn’t sexy, or cute, or showing off your personality. Please stop.

He has the same name as my ex

I know this isn’t his fault, but I can’t help it. A few of my exes have ruined their names for all the other men out there. He’s gotta be either really hot or just extra special and then maybe I’ll consider swiping right. But for the most part, the bad memories tied to the name equal a NO from me.

There is a White Claw in his pic

Listen, I’m not a basic white girl, and I don’t want to date one. Also, I’m over the age of 30. I need a man, not a frat boy. And that’s all I got to say ’bout that.

He’s wearing transition lenses

Is this self-explanatory? I feel like it should be…

His wife is in his picture

Yes, I am serious. I’ve seen everything from “looking for a third” to “open marriage” to a wedding picture with no explanation. Whatever the case may be, I’m just gonna go ahead and pass, thanks.

He looks like I could bench press him

I lift weights, and to be honest, I need my man to lift, too. I don’t want to have bigger biceps than you.

Everyone has different preferences, but for me, I want my man to be able to lift me up and for me to feel protected in his arms. Also, if I can be honest, I like the look of muscles. Always have…

Finally, he just seems too “nice”

I’m going to have to do a whole post to unpack all of my thoughts on this one. But this could be guys who go on and on about how they’re such nice gentlemen (which- by the way- is code word for misogynist). Or this could be guys who genuinely seem like they are just too nice.

Hate to say that, but it’s true. I need an alpha male with a sense of humor, and sweet, quiet, overly nice guys just aren’t going to spark any kind of fire in me. Give me a bit of a challenge!

Also, one of my best guy friends once told me that I couldn’t date really nice guys because I would “eat them alive.” So there’s that… (and no, he didn’t mean I should date jerks who are gonna mistreat me… just that I need someone on my level and wavelength).

What are some weird reasons you’ve swiped left? Got any online dating horror stories? Let us know in the comments!