Stop Texting Like You're In Love With Someone You Just Met

Stop texting like you’re in love with someone you’re not in a relationship with.

Dear everyone,

This is creepy. And weird. And creepy. Don’t do it.

You know that person you met online but haven’t actually had a date with yet? Yeah, they’re not your “baby.” They don’t want you to be overly concerned with their needs just yet. You don’t need to text them every five seconds.

Picture this: someone slides in your DM’s. You’re open to getting to know them, but you’re not sure just yet whether or not there’s something there.

Then this person- let’s call him Adam- starts love bombing you. “Baby, how was your day?” “Text me when you get home.” “What’s wrong baby? Why aren’t you texting me back?” “Can’t wait till you never have to spend another night alone.” “You deserve the world.”

Chilllll, bro. I don’t even know if I like you yet.

Adam’s problem here is that he’s coming off like a stalker crazy person.

How does he know I deserve the world? Maybe I’m awful. And since he doesn’t actually know what I deserve, his sentiment seems fake.

Calling me baby too early on feels cringy. Don’t get me wrong- I love it in the context of an established relationship. But too much too soon feels gross.

And talking about the future? No. Please stop. It isn’t sweet or caring at this point- it makes me feel like you’re a psycho and I need to run far, far away.

You need to allow your potential partner to feel like they have a choice in their future. You don’t get to automatically decide that you’re going to be forever in their life if their emotions haven’t reached that point yet.

And yes, women and men are both equally guilty of texting as if they are in love. Y’all both need to stop it.

Even if you’ve met someone in person, been on a few dates, you still don’t want to do too much. When you bombard someone with your love before you’ve given the relationship a chance to take off, you come across as needy, insecure, or insincere. Worst case- you might even seem controlling.

Until you are in an established relationship and you are confident the feelings are mutual, avoid the urge to come on too strong. Even then, keep yourself in check.

I’m not suggesting playing games or not being your authentic self here, but if you’re texting a new crush as if you’re already in a long-term relationship, that person is going to run as fast as they can into the arms of someone else.

Why? Well, see reasons above. Also, relationships without independence are not successful. When you’re first getting to know someone, if you’re eliminating their independence, you’re sending up red flags all over the place.

This behavior screams “hello, I’m codependent! I’m desperate! There is obviously a reason I’m single and I’m about to overwhelm and wreck your life!”

Seriously, that’s how it comes across. Especially if the feelings aren’t yet mutual. Just because you are really into someone doesn’t mean they are really into you. That’s okay! If it’s early, they might be vaguely interested, but you need to give them time to develop genuine feelings before trying to force something.

It doesn’t mean you’re not great, or that they won’t eventually develop strong feelings, but not everyone falls hard and fast. A slow burn is okay. Give it time. Relax. Enjoy being casual for a bit.

Get to know them, but keep the mystery alive.